What do I want to be when I grow up?

A couple months ago I took a personality test that gave me a lot of insight into why I function the way I do. For instance:

-I learn best in a group setting where there are ideas bounced around and discussion to better understand a subject. Which explains why I was always such a horrible student! Reading facts out of books and taking tests isn't the best way I learn.

-I am a "relational" person. These people need to be part of friendships and small groups that are growing in depth and vulnerability. Which explains why it's so important to me that I lead a transparent life and don't like being lied to or superficial relationships.

-"You have a tendency to have an insaciable appetite for more. It seems impossible, at times, to feel content and greatful with what you currently have or possess." Yep, that's hitting the nail on the head!

-"Sometimes you find yourself being involved in so many interesting things that you have not mastered any of them. You may find that you can't seem to land on what you were made to do because you seem so well suited for lots of things."

That point is where I had my "ah, ha" moment. I have lots of hobbies. I love the outdoors: hiking, biking, rafting, camping you name it I'm up for it. I am fairly well read and can hold a decent conversation about books. I can sew, knit, crochet, do crafts of all sorts and do finer needlework. I love physical activity: running, swimming, zumba ect. I love, love, love music. Listening, learning, practicing and performing it. I also have a fairly decent photographer's eye.

I became frustrated with myself after I wrote our Christmas letter this week. I wrote about all the things I've done over the past year. I became frustrated when I asked myself how well do I do any of those things.

There are a couple that I've been doing most of my life. I've enjoyed working with yarn since I was a child, so naturally I'm a very good knitter. As long as I can remember I've loved music. I have invested countless dollars and hours into music. This is what I think I'm the best at. I have a well trained ear and can play my instrument with ease.

This brings me to the big question. What is my calling? Besides being a good mother, I don't know. Because let's face it, after the kids leave I'll have to find something to do. I don't have a college degree and I don't plan to ever go back to school. In today's job market, that's a bad thing.

I don't want to be a professional musician because I don't like competition. (People pleaser)And I'm definately not a good private teacher. I'm pretty sure I'd be miserable if I was made to knit all day so that I could earn a living. And I've yet to learn of a company that would pay me to sit and read books all day.

It's a frustrating place to be and I'm not sure I'll ever have the answer I'm looking for. I'm also not really willing to give up any of my hobbies. That tells me that I just have to manage my time better. There just aren't enough hours in the day to do all the things I want to do. I should probably be a little more greatful to God for all the seeming "talents" he's given me. Even though it's confusing sometimes.

Apprehensive Excitement

For three years my husband and I have been trying to plan an Irish Getaway. We've postponed this trip twice. Always for financial reasons.

The first year, Eric felt it was irresponsible to go on such an expensive vacation when we had a significant amount of credit card debt. He was right. So we postponed our trip one year and used the money to pay off our credit card.

Last year we had planned and saved. We were SO excited! Then we were hit with a huge financial brick. We had to use everything we'd saved plus a generous loan from a family member to dig ourselves out of financial ruin. Once again, Ireland got postponed.

Which brings you up to date.

Our debt will be paid off this month *insert angels singing here* and we can start planning again. We've covered our financial bases well this time. (At least for the foreseeable future.) We're starting to plan for our trip... again.

I have to admit that I'm quite apprehensive this time. I've been disappointed twice before and I'm a little bit afraid to let myself get so excited only to be let down again.

Then I look up at my office windowsill and see our "Ireland or Bust" jar. We've been diligently putting our change and spare dollars in there. It's quite heavy now! That makes me excited!

I'm looking forward to planning this trip again. I know that God's timing is perfect and that we'll enjoy the trip much more because of what we've been through.

Today's Blessing

This has been a really bad week for me. I'm not even going to go into why. All you need to know is that today, I'm blessed by this promise:

"I remember my affliction and my wantering, the bitterness and the gall. I well remember them, and my soul is downcast within me. Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope; Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness" Lamentations 3:19-23

Today's Blessing

I'd like to take a moment to share with you some internal dialogue I had today. It takes some setting up, but I promise you, it will be worth staying with me until the end.

I have this shirt that I got for being on the staff of vacation bible school at our church this summer. It's black and has "The JESUS Expedition" written in huge, bright orange letters across the front of it.

I don't wear this shirt much. Not because I don't like it, but because I don't really wear a lot of black. Especially when it's in conjunction with orange... eh, hem... QUACK!

I was in my bedroom getting dressed for tonight's zumba class. I had my awesome zumba pants on and was trying to decide on a shirt.

I usually wear a quick-dry tanktop to the gym, but it was cold today and I was looking for something with a little more coverage. I decided on a t-shirt.

My zumba pants are black so naturally the most flattering (yes that's right, I put this much thought into what I wear to the gym) color would be black. For some reason, I put on my BLUE Bridge Pedal t-shirt. It wasn't pretty...

This is the internal dialogue that followed:

"This looks stupid, I should just wear the Jesus shirt."
"UGH, I don't really wanna wear the Jesus shirt."
"It's black and will hide the fat rolls better."
"But then it's like wearing a Jesus billboard."
"And the problem is...???"
"I hate being labled as something before they even talk to me."
"But I AM a Christian. It's not like most people don't already know that."
"Am I ashamed to wear a Jesus billboard?!?!?!"
"Am I ashamed to wear the name of the man who sacrificed everything for me?"
"This is so stupid! He suffered a horrible death on a cross all to save me from my own sins and I'm standing here complaining because I don't wanna wear a shirt with His name on it TO THE GYM!"
"I'm pathetic."

*I put on the Jesus shirt*

"Wow, I look skinnier in this shirt. Huh."

Today I'm thankful that I live in a country where I can proudly wear a t-shirt that proclaims the name of my Lord and Savior!

My Daily Blessing

I have been fighting with feelings of frustration, inadequacy, loneliness and dissatisfaction for about the last year.

I mentioned these feelings to my Tuesday morning bible study buddies this morning. They were all very sympathetic and one woman even had a very good suggestion for me. She said that someone told her once that when she felt that way she should write down one way God had blessed her everyday.

That sounded like a very good (and easy) way of physically seeing how blessed I am.

Since we're so technologically integrated these days I thought my blog would be a good place to write those things down. You see, things tend to get lost in my house, so if I type them out online, I'll never lose them!

I've been thinking all day about what my daily blessing for today would be. I've come up with several things (YEA), but the one I'm most thankful for today is:

My twins are in the same classroom.

They got to do their homework together today because it was a math game that required two players. I think the teacher intended them to play with a parent, but it seemed like a good learning experience for them to play together. (And I was there supervising the whole time.)

Their teacher called me today and told me a little story about the boys. After telling me she said that it has turned out that they do really well in a classroom together and they're wonderful boys. *tear*

I am very blessed today!

First Day of First Grade!

As many of you know my twins, Daniel and Taylor started first grade this year. Since Daniel has Asperger's, his doctor said it would be benificial to have them in the same classroom for the first year of public school. I sort of had to fight for that because the school district doesn't like twins in the same classroom. Our situation is unique, so they obliged.

>Before this, I had home schooled my kiddos. After several years of that I realized it was too much for me. I'm not consistent enough or organized enough (shocking, I know.) to be a really good teacher. With the added task of watching my nieces and nephew everyday, home schooling became overwhelming.

Daniel and Taylor (Ethan too) were WAY excited for their first day! They waited in anxious anticipation until it was time to go.

We walked the first day because I needed to show them to their classrooms and help deliver supplies that didn't fit into their small backpacks.


When we got to their classroom I made them pause for a minute for a quick photo.


Once they got settled it became clear that it was time for me to leave. Surprisingly I kept it together and didn't cry.


I have to selfishly admit that it's really nice to have the house so quiet during the day. My nephew hardly makes any noise and is a very easy child to care for, so I definately feel the relief.

Now I have all this time... I should be able to keep the house clean and have a nice dinner on the table every night right????

Seeing The Waterfall From The River

Waterfalls are some of the most beautiful things in the world. So majestic. I love taking pictures of waterfalls. I love taking pictures of people with waterfalls. I never thought I'd be able to say I had a picture of me going OVER a waterfall though!

Eric and I went whitewater rafting with some friends (Lisa and George) twice this summer. Both times were some of the most exciting moments in my life.

I'd been whitewater rafting before, but it was on the Deschutes River. This summer we went to the White Salmon River. (Just north of Hood River on the WA side.) I can tell you, the White Salmon River is WAY better! They tell me you go over class 3 & 4 rapids and when the waterfall is open it's considered a class 5. That's pretty intense! (Believe me, I know!)

If you're wanting a high-adrenaline experience, this is a great way to spend your afternoon. We booked with Zoller's Outdoor Odysseys http://www.zooraft.com/ and I HIGHLY recommend them! They are very professional and highly experienced. They are also extremely entertaining on the river! They provide everything you'll need for the trip down the 42 degree river. (Wetsuit, life jacket, helmet and booties.) Including the FUN!







When we went on the first trip they told us we couldn't go over the waterfall because the water level was too high and it was too dangerous. I guess when there's a higher volume of water going over the falls, it creates a larger area of hydrolic suction at the bottom and you get "Mataged" until you drown. That didn't sound like a good time so we happily walked around the waterfall and watched our river guide pull the raft over the falls with a rope. We still had fun on the rest of the trip though. Enough fun that we were planning our next trip before we got out of the boat!

We watched the Zoller's website and Facebook Page until we knew they had opened the waterfall. We wanted to be sure to get to do that the second time around! We booked our tickets and made our arrangements.

All I have to say is that the trip was epic. Did you get that? E.P.I.C.

This is our boat... before...

Coming up on the waterfall our guide (Derek, nickname D-wreck) "parked" our boat so he could be the safety spot. He told the other boats when it was safe to go over the falls. There was someone up ahead giving him hand signals and he would pass that signal on. So we had lots of time to sit there and contemplate what we were about to do.

We watched boat after boat disappear into the unknown. We were close enough to hear everyone scream as they went over and hear the people on the shore cheering for them, but not close enough to know what had happened to them at the bottom.

Finally it was our turn. Derek took our "parking break" off and commanded us to "forward paddle" because you know, the momentum of the river isn't quite enough! This is where I started getting nervous.

There's a command that we practiced a lot before this point. It's called the "Get Down And Hold On". You basically... well... get down and HOLD ON! We paddled as hard and fast as we could until Derek gave that command. Then it was up to the waterfall. Well, you get the idea! We survived and can't wait to go back and do it again!
I dare you to try it. No, I DOUBLE-DOG-DARE YOU!!! I'll be waiting for my thank you note. ; )



L-R: Lisa, Derek "D-Wreck", George, Me and Eric.

The First Step on a Long Road

Have you ever thought that a trip to the doctor would be one of the final steps in your process of illness or suffering, only to find out that it's the beginning of a long road? We had that kind of visit this week.

My son, Daniel was officially diagnosed with Asperger's Disorder and Sensory Integration Disorder this week.

I knew the diagnosis was coming. I think I'd known it for a long time, but it didn't make it any easier to hear when the doctor actually said it outloud. It was like time slowed way down and I was paused in a moment of complete realization that our lives would never be the same.

Asperger's Disorder is a mild form of Autism. It falls in the middle of what's called the "Autism Spectrum" and is more common than you'd think. It's a developmental disorder that affects one's ability to communicate and socialize effectively with other people.

Generally people with Asperger's are socially akward, they don't make eye contact very often if at all, get agitated when their routine is changed, seem to lack empathy, make strange gestures or movements, talk a lot about one or two subjects that interest them and sometimes have delayed motor development.

Sensory Integration Disorder seems to go hand-in-hand with Asperger's. People with Sensory Integration Disorder are hyper sensitive to light, sound and touch (amoung other things). They dislike loud noise or music, prefer to be out of the bright sunlight or bright lights and don't like physical contact.

Daniel is a very bright boy. He's reading well above his grade level and is starting to comprehend what he's reading. He's really good at math and is a full grade level ahead in that subject as well. He even has a pretty good grasp on some of the basic sciences! He's really good with spacial recognition (puzzles, legos, building blocks ect.). He has an active imagination and is generally a very well behaved child.

The issue came years ago when I first started teaching the boys at home. We started preschool when they were 3 years old. They loved every minute of it, but I noticed right away that Daniel was much more easily distracted than Taylor. He understood everything just fine, but it took him a long time to complete things simply because he daydreamed a lot.

I asked someone about Attention Deficit Disorder and they told me he was too young to be diagnosed with that and I should just wait and see how he did in the next couple years. After all he was only three...

The problem never did go away, in fact, it became worse over time. I asked our doctor about Daniel's behavior and he gave me a very large packet of papers to fill out and return to him. I filled it out, but didn't get it back to him for several months. When I did return it, it was lost in the shuffle at the doctor's office and forgotten about.

In those months I had several friends mention Daniel's strange behavior to me. He wasn't misbehaving, but just acting different than the other children.

One of those friends mentioned Asperger's to me. I had no idea what it was, but did some research and was shocked to discover that Daniel fit every single symptom of the disorder to some degree or another.

I contacted his doctor right away asking about the paperwork I'd filled out months ago. He found it and said that Daniel had some symptoms of ADD, but also had other symptoms that didn't fit that diagnosis. He sent me to a specialist who, after several long and intense visits, diagnosed Daniel with these two disorders.

I've only scraped the surface of the tip of the iceburg of information concerning these disorders. I have months, no YEARS of reading ahead of me. It's very overwhelming to even think about, but we know what the problem is and now we can work to make life easier for Daniel.

I am very grateful to have had him diagnosed so early and in an age where help is so readily available to these kids! There are programs in the medical field he will be involved in as well as lots of programs in the public school system he can take advantage of.

I've given myself the weekend to let it soak in and get over the shock. Monday I will start downloading books and articles to my Kindle. I also have to place several phone calls to the school district.

It's the first step on a long road.

I Climbed A MOUNTAIN!!!!

About a month ago my friend Lisa found out that they had an extra climbing permit to climb Mt. St. Helens. She was talking about putting it on craigslist or something like that when I piped up and said I'd buy it. (Not really sure what I was thinking...)

Training to climb a mountain is a bit different than what I'd been doing for the 1/2 marathon and the triathlon. It requires you to actually get out in nature and hike. I also discovered that climbing stairs is a GREAT way to train for such an event.

Now, Mt. St. Helens isn't a very tall mountain anymore. It did lose about 1,000 feet 31 years ago. It's still just over 8,000 feet though and it is still a challenging climb.





I was all kinds of excited the morning of the climb. I could hardly contain myself!

What surprised me was how much snow was still on the ground. We hiked through snow nearly the whole way to the summit.

As we got close to our lunch spot I started to get discouraged. I could see the summit and it was just so far away still. I was tired, hot, thirsty and hungry. My asthmatic lungs were also having trouble breathing the thin air.





There was a short moment where I had to sit down. I shoved a handful of trail mix into my mouth, took a swig of water and cried... just for a minute. After saying a prayer, I wiped my tears away and put the pack back on my shoulders. I was fine after that!




Reaching the summit of a mountain was a very emotional experience for me. I never in my life thought I'd be able to say I'd climbed a mountain! Lisa and I had a crying, hugging moment before we turned to enjoy the amazing view before us on ALL sides.


It took us about 7 hours to get to the summit and 3 to get down. Since there was so much snow on the mountain we got to "sled" our way down! It was wet and cold because we didn't have any snow gear, but it was much faster than climbing back over all the rocks.





Looking back, it was something I will never forget. It was worth every ounce of pain I felt, but it's not something I need to do again in a hurry.

Lisa and I are already planning our next adventure!

Alaska Adventure

Several months ago some girlfriends and I were planning a girls weekend. Since I was going to be gone, Eric decided he'd take the boys camping and made campsite reservations. Then all my girlfriends realized we had planned on Father's Day weekend and they couldn't go after all.

I wasn't too bothered because I figured I could go camping with my men. Then I was informed that I wasn't invited because it was a "boys only" camping trip... Fine. I decided I'd go to Alaska and visit some friends! Now that you know WHY I went, I'll share my adventure with you!

My plane landed in Anchorage on a Thursday evening at about 11:30pm. It was still "sunset". Talk about strange! Because Alaska is so far north, it never does get dark in the summer time. It got to be twilight, but then the sun came right back up. This made for very late bedtimes the whole time I was there. It just never seemed like bedtime!

On Friday I spent most of my day with my friends the Capaldos. We walked around "the lagoon" and then went for a drive on the scenic highway. This is when I realized just how beautiful Alaska is. It's breathtaking!

I also spent some time on my own that afternoon wandering downtown Anchorage. It's a really small city with a lot of fun quirks.














Saturday I spent driving farther out the scenic highway with my friends the McDonalds. We went as far as Portage where there was a lake that had iceburgs floating in it! WOW! It was incredible!


We also stopped at a wildlife reserve along the highway and the Eagle River Nature Reserve. Even though we didn't spot any large animals, we saw plenty of small birds and lots of beautiful flowers.

Sunday I attended church with the McDonalds and we spent our afternoon shopping for souveniers. Before heading home the McDonalds took me to the local pizza joint. The Moose's Tooth is very popular up there. Everyone I talked to said to make sure I went there before leaving town. They brew their own beer (which was great) and their pizza was unlike any other pizza I've ever had.



















I was sad to leave and I can't wait to go back with my whole family. If you've never been, go! You'll be blown away by the amazing beauty Alaska has to offer!

Triathlon

So now that it's nearly 3 weeks later I thought I should probably write about my experience in my first triathon. (Gimee a break, I lead a very busy life.)

As with any other race day, I woke up having barely slept the night before and well ahead of my alarm clock. I bounded out of bed and anxiously checked and rechecked all my stuff to make sure I didn't forget to pack a single item. Eric helped me load my bike onto the bike rack and I was off to pick up Tina (the one who talked me into this mess!).

Unfortunately Tina had overslept and had only been awake 30 seconds when I pulled into her driveway. She was ready in a snap though having packed everything the night before. After loading her bike on the rack we were off.

As we drew closer to Blue Lake we noticed lots of other crazies on the road headed in our same direction with bikes hanging off their cars too. We started to get more excited! When we arrived we were struck with just how many of these crazy people there were. I mean really? Who wants to get up before dawn on a Saturday to do a triathlon? Apparently we do. *rolls eyes* So we proceeded to get the bikes off the car, grab our stuff and join the crowd of crazies.

After having our race numbers and ages uncerimoniously drawn on our legs with giant Sharpies we found our bike slots. At this point I really started to freak out. I realized I had no idea what I was supposed to do next. As I looked around I realized that everyone else was laying out their stuff under the bike so they could change quickly after each event. Okay. Sure. I can do that.











Then we donned our wetsuits and made our way to the water. I was so nervous. I said to Tina, "I changed my mind. I don't wanna do this anymore. Let's go home." To which she laughed. Finally they called our age division and we went through the gate. They counted us down and everyone jumped into the water at once.



This is when everything I practiced and trained for went right out of my head. (Awesome timing.) I dove into the water headfirst without taking a breath first. Yeah, you know what that means. Lots of water up the nose. Brilliant. That's how the rest of the swim was for me. I spent my whole time being kicked, hit and choking on water that was washing over my face everytime I tried breathing. It was the longest 20 minutes of my life! I just wasn't expecting what it would be like to swim with so many people.









Tina and I keep a pretty similar swimming pace so we finished together. It took me quite a while to change because I was having trouble getting my socks on. My feet wouldn't get dry. I finally got completely changed and hopped on by bike and followed everyone else. Tina was nowhere in sight. I was on my own.












I was pretty confident in the cycling portion of the race because my Dad had built me a sweet bike. It begs to go faster! Tina says I flew past her on the bike, but I didn't see her until later when she yelled at me as we crossed paths again. I felt pretty awesome after finishing the bike race.


That didn't last long once I started running. I was pretty pooped. I ran the whole first mile, but had a wicked side ache the whole time. I finally stopped to walk a while, and ran/walked the rest of the run. 3.1 miles is a long ways after you've swam and biked.

I finally rounded the last corner and spotted the finish line. It was a glorious sight!


As I ran across it I heard family and friends cheering for me. I felt so relieved that it was over, but I also felt a great sense of accomplishment. I had done a whole sprint triathlon! Not everyone can say that.


The icing on the cake came when we waited in the looooong line to get our results. I was only looking at the total time it took me because I wanted to know how close I came to my goal (1:45). I had done it in 1:48: 23! Not bad for a first timer I thought. Then Tina was looking at her results when she yells, "Jess, look! You got THIRD PLACE!" I said, "Shut up. I did not." She answered, "No look, really! That numer there indicates your division place! You got third in our division!!!" To which I responded, "HA! I can't believe it! I guess we're staying for the awards ceremony!)

We did, and indeed I did win third place in my division! I got a cool medal and everything! It was a special division and there were only 7 people in it, but by golly I got THIRD PLACE and a medal!



My complete results are as follows:
Overall time- 1:48:23
Swim time- 21:58
Bike transition time- 5:52
Bike time- 40:34
Run transition time- 2:55
Run time- 37:03

I am proud of those results for my first triathlon. However, I know I can do better. Much better. I'm anxiously waiting for the next time I get to try again!