What do I want to be when I grow up?

A couple months ago I took a personality test that gave me a lot of insight into why I function the way I do. For instance:

-I learn best in a group setting where there are ideas bounced around and discussion to better understand a subject. Which explains why I was always such a horrible student! Reading facts out of books and taking tests isn't the best way I learn.

-I am a "relational" person. These people need to be part of friendships and small groups that are growing in depth and vulnerability. Which explains why it's so important to me that I lead a transparent life and don't like being lied to or superficial relationships.

-"You have a tendency to have an insaciable appetite for more. It seems impossible, at times, to feel content and greatful with what you currently have or possess." Yep, that's hitting the nail on the head!

-"Sometimes you find yourself being involved in so many interesting things that you have not mastered any of them. You may find that you can't seem to land on what you were made to do because you seem so well suited for lots of things."

That point is where I had my "ah, ha" moment. I have lots of hobbies. I love the outdoors: hiking, biking, rafting, camping you name it I'm up for it. I am fairly well read and can hold a decent conversation about books. I can sew, knit, crochet, do crafts of all sorts and do finer needlework. I love physical activity: running, swimming, zumba ect. I love, love, love music. Listening, learning, practicing and performing it. I also have a fairly decent photographer's eye.

I became frustrated with myself after I wrote our Christmas letter this week. I wrote about all the things I've done over the past year. I became frustrated when I asked myself how well do I do any of those things.

There are a couple that I've been doing most of my life. I've enjoyed working with yarn since I was a child, so naturally I'm a very good knitter. As long as I can remember I've loved music. I have invested countless dollars and hours into music. This is what I think I'm the best at. I have a well trained ear and can play my instrument with ease.

This brings me to the big question. What is my calling? Besides being a good mother, I don't know. Because let's face it, after the kids leave I'll have to find something to do. I don't have a college degree and I don't plan to ever go back to school. In today's job market, that's a bad thing.

I don't want to be a professional musician because I don't like competition. (People pleaser)And I'm definately not a good private teacher. I'm pretty sure I'd be miserable if I was made to knit all day so that I could earn a living. And I've yet to learn of a company that would pay me to sit and read books all day.

It's a frustrating place to be and I'm not sure I'll ever have the answer I'm looking for. I'm also not really willing to give up any of my hobbies. That tells me that I just have to manage my time better. There just aren't enough hours in the day to do all the things I want to do. I should probably be a little more greatful to God for all the seeming "talents" he's given me. Even though it's confusing sometimes.